Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.