Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.