What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.