What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.