What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.