I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets