Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.