"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
"Here for the right riesling."
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
"You're the wine that I want."
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"Great minds drink alike."
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"Alcohol you later."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"Stop and smell the rosé."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Be kind, re-wine."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
"I need to re-wine my life."
"You can't sip with us."
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"I mead more wine."
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!