What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.