Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!